The Leftist's Dictionary
The Rich: people who make more money than you do
The One Percent: people who make more money than you think they should
The Poor: people you have never met, and don't want to meet because they fail to satisfy your hipster sensibilities and add nothing interesting to your life, but you feel guilty that they exist and that you don't give a damn about them, so you think the government should do something to "fix them"
Compassion: the belief that other people should be more generous
Fundamentalist: 1) someone who actually believes their religion is true (as opposed to being something that someone just made up) or 2) someone who is too religious for your taste
Reactionary: anyone who resists your enlightened plan to save the world
Progressive: anyone who is on board with your enlightened plan to save the world
Greed: when other people want to make more money, or keep the money they already have
Need: when you want to make more money, or keep the money you already have
Tolerance: the belief that things which are mutually exclusive are simultaneously true, even though nothing is really true, so we should all just get along and pretend that nothing matters except love and peace, and we should smear/sue/imprison/destroy/kill anyone who says otherwise
Intolerance: the belief that anything is true
Open-minded: adjective describing someone who agrees with you
Close-minded: adjective describing someone with the audacity to think that you are wrong
Denier: someone who remains skeptical about something which has not been proven, such as the belief that human activities are going to turn the Earth into a giant sauna
Skeptic: someone who remains skeptical about something which is well-documented, such as the life of Jesus, because they think it makes them look like a sophisticated rebel
Capitalism: human beings freely living out their lives without the government telling them what to do and how to do it
Teaching: instructing another person, imparting your knowledge to them and possibly shaping their life for the future
Proselytism: teaching, when done by Christians
Right-Winger: someone who thinks Communism is still a bad idea
The One Percent: people who make more money than you think they should
The Poor: people you have never met, and don't want to meet because they fail to satisfy your hipster sensibilities and add nothing interesting to your life, but you feel guilty that they exist and that you don't give a damn about them, so you think the government should do something to "fix them"
Compassion: the belief that other people should be more generous
Fundamentalist: 1) someone who actually believes their religion is true (as opposed to being something that someone just made up) or 2) someone who is too religious for your taste
Reactionary: anyone who resists your enlightened plan to save the world
Progressive: anyone who is on board with your enlightened plan to save the world
Greed: when other people want to make more money, or keep the money they already have
Need: when you want to make more money, or keep the money you already have
Tolerance: the belief that things which are mutually exclusive are simultaneously true, even though nothing is really true, so we should all just get along and pretend that nothing matters except love and peace, and we should smear/sue/imprison/destroy/kill anyone who says otherwise
Intolerance: the belief that anything is true
Open-minded: adjective describing someone who agrees with you
Close-minded: adjective describing someone with the audacity to think that you are wrong
Denier: someone who remains skeptical about something which has not been proven, such as the belief that human activities are going to turn the Earth into a giant sauna
Skeptic: someone who remains skeptical about something which is well-documented, such as the life of Jesus, because they think it makes them look like a sophisticated rebel
Capitalism: human beings freely living out their lives without the government telling them what to do and how to do it
Teaching: instructing another person, imparting your knowledge to them and possibly shaping their life for the future
Proselytism: teaching, when done by Christians
Right-Winger: someone who thinks Communism is still a bad idea
Inequality: the belief that the greatest
problem facing the poor is that other people are not poor; see "envy"
posted by Scott M Roney | 7:46 PM
2 Comments:
Boyyy you SMART.
Scott. I just re-read your 3 most recent blog posts, and I am struck all over again by your amazing ability to put important concepts into words in such a creative -- and sometimes hilarious -- way. This one makes me laugh so much, the Anglican Church post educates me about your church (which I love attending every time we visit), and the Liturgy of Football describes K-State football more accurately than I've ever seen before, while effectively making your point. Bravo!
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